Monday, April 30, 2007

Sabres at Rangers - Ducks at Canucks-8pm Tues

It's really not our fault that this is the first Hockey Night in Chinatown of the Playoffs.
But here we are, 3rd games of the 2nd round and ready to go.

The dopey reasons for our absence are multitude and mostly fictitious.

Suffice it to say, we lay most of the blame on Commissioner Gary Bettman.
Send your cards, letters and dead rats in shoe boxes to:
Gary Bettman

c/o The National Hockey League

1251 Ave. of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

If you want to visit them in person, our advice is to try and go in right after Tim does.

Most of the security guards' tazers are out of juice by the time they get him down.

Be warned that we suspect most of the security at NHL HQ is very large and very

upset at not playing professional hockey.

After your arraignment, why not swing by...

Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - May 1, '07

from 7:00 to 12 or so.

7pm Buffalo Sabres at New York Rangers

10:30 Anaheim Ducks at Vancouver Canucks

Oh, here's something that'll confuse and amaze you.

Guy Lafleur made some sort of disco/hockey album.

What could go wrong?

Guy, we love you, anyway.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

No Hockey = No Hockey Night in Chinatown.

We held out a faint hope that Detroit and Calgary would go to seven games and we'd be able to get the ball rolling HNIC'town-wise, but the Flames lost their minds at the end of the 5th game on Saturday and started thugging it up (in a wholly unimpressive and feeble manner.)

Johan Franzen, recipient of a stick whacking from 18 second sub goalie Jamie McLennan, took his time (a little more than 4 periods, in fact) and served up his revenge ice cold.

Thusly, no hockey to watch Tuesday night. Unless Monday night's Dallas and Vancouver game manages to go something like 67 overtime periods. And like my Pa always said," Nobody plays any good after 30 overtime periods." (Accurate advice, though not terribly useful.)

Anyway that's what's up.
Hockey Night in Chinatown will return as soon as they play hockey on Hockey Night in Chinatown.

Just like MacArthur.


Monday, April 2, 2007

7pm Tues * Sabres at Pens * Rangers at Isles * Sens at Devils

With the success of Black Hockey History Month, we here at Hockey Night in Chinatown immediately began making plans for a similar salute for Women's Hockey History Month.
The entire staff gathered around the computer and we started searching for images for Dave to mutate into appropriately demented (and non-legally actionable) flyers.

Predictably the searches quickly deteriorated from "women in hockey" to "women kissing" to "hot lesbian czech teens toying" (truth be told, we never completely typed in "women in hockey.")

The ensuing work stoppage was equalled only by the time Mike brought back a bunch of sushi back from Flint for the office and left it by the radiator all morning. At first we thought it a simple miscalculation in safe food handling protocol, until we realized he had crazy glued the doors to the bathrooms shut. No doubt he was trying to punish us for something (probably his being born in Flint.)

So stifle your nausea (bring a bucket, if need be) and come on down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown
105 Eldridge St.
(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)
Tuesday - March 27, '07
from 7:00pm to 12 midnight.

This week:
The Buffalo Sabres at the Pittsburgh Penguins
The New York Rangers at the New York Islanders (in voluptuous HD)
The Ottawa Senators at the New Jersey Devils

At any rate, with our interest in women actually playing hockey (sorry girls, er, womyn, whatever) in full retreat against the more peripheral (that is, bouncier) results of our arduous googling (as in "He got google all over his keyboard."), we elected to salute the women who dig hockey or at least hockey players.

So below are some links to fill your day and your computer screen with pop-up windows until the hockey starts:
Janet Jones-Gretzky, Mrs. Great One:

Angelica Bridges: the former Mrs. Sheldon Souray:

Elisha Cuthbert, Sean Avery's (??!!) girl:

And a big list of the "Ice Girls" (strippers) for NHL teams:

And of course our (involuntary) model for the flyer this week:

We don't know if any of these links are safe for work. After Tim's flare gun accident last week "safe for work" has little to do with stuff on the computer (we are a little concerned that he downloaded a .pdf of the Anarchist's Cookbook.)

Also, if you're dopey enough to show this email to your wife and/or girlfriend (especially if she plays hockey) then you deserve to stay home and watch American Idol instead of drinking beer, eating pretzels and yelling at high-def pixels dancing with the likes of Sidney Crosby and Jaromir Jagr.

Come on down and buy Mike a beer for his birthday (April 1st, no fooling.) AKA

You do not want him coming to your home.

Trust us.

Scotty, we love you.