You might be wondering what we all do when we have a Tuesday off due to the inhuman cruelty of the Hockey Playoff Scheduling Gods. Well, last week Dave made a sound-proof box in which to imprison that Nascar Kid from the Geico commercials. (The Box of Acoustic Cruelty - patent pending)
His plan was to destroy the little boy's brain with an endless loop of Night on Disco Mountain from the "Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack."
Meanwhile, Mike baked a batch of brownies laced with Window Pane and laxatives to send to Scott Niedermayer, Chris Pronger and J-S Giguere in order to aid the Wings in their Cup quest.
As the pan of brownies was cooling in the break room of the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker, Rev. Timmy wandered by and scarfed down about half of them. (It should come as no surprise that most of the goings on in the bunker resemble a particularly poorly rendered episode of "Three's Company.") Shortly thereafter he commenced wailing, "Spiders! Bats! Too Goddamn many Spiders and Bats!" This was followed by a quick serpentine dash through the Control Room into the workshop area. He pushed Dave into a big pile of paint thinner cans and oily rags we keep around for emergencies (you never know) and then barricaded himself inside Dave's newly completed Box of Acoustic Cruelty.
Eventually we coaxed Tim out with repeated high volume playings of "Rocky Racoon" at 45rpm and a bottle Jim Beam.
Alas, we let our guard down for the briefest of moments and he grabbed the bottle and disappeared into the catwalks high above the workshop floor. We sent one of the interns up after him, but he quickly returned with a freshly chipped front tooth, a badly singed eyebrow and shy one shoe.
Tim reappeared Thursday for the Sabres-Sens game looking hale, healthy and relaxed. (Though he did keep muttering something about McGill, Lil and Gideon's Bible.)
As far as Dave's Box of Acoustic Cruelty goes, let's just say that whatever the laxatives started, the Window Pane finished, and leave it at that.
Anyway, try to maintain, get yourself cleaned up and come on down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown
Fontanas 105 Eldridge St.
(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)
Tuesday - May 15, '07 from 9:00pm to 12 midnight or so. (Stupid West Coast)
The Detroit Redwings at The Anaheim Ducks, Game 3, Series tied 1-1.
Here's another example of what can go wrong with drug filled brownies and hockey submitted by our good buddy Jet Black Richard Bacchus (2 time MVP of the Northern Mexico Hockey League - Left Wing - Tijuana Hookers) http://media.freep.com/audio/2007/0510potcop_freep.mp3
Since Dave is still busy trying to clean out The Box of Acoustic Cruelty (yuck!), he didn't have time to make a flyer this week. Instead, we've included a picture of Bob Probert you can use to frighten burglars or discipline your children. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rH9wKQPoH0
Bob, we love you. (And we shudder to think what would happen if we didn't.)