Monday, October 29, 2007

Pittsburgh at Minnesota - 7pm - 30 Oct '07

(Also the term for girls that hang around outside The Igloo trollin’ for Penguins.)

Well everybody around the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker is moving a little slow this Monday as over the weekend we celebrated the 40th birthday of our good buddy and HNIC't Chairman of Pacific Division Hockey Mocking: Richie Rock.

Well "Celebrated" doesn't really give an accurate impression. Saturday night we let Rock's 40th Birthday out of it's cage, chased it down with torches and pitchforks, tied it to a chair, shocked it's genitals with a car battery charger, hit it in the face with a phone book repeatedly, revived it, made it wear a fancy dress, took it dancing, dragged it out into the alley, did unmentionable things to it that no one is very proud of and then gave it $20 and sent it home in a cab. We spent the whole day today erasing the security tapes at Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Headquarters and scrubbing blood (and other) stains off the floor.

Needless to say, Rock's birthday isn't gonna show it's face for a while.

But you should bring your face (fancy dress optional, but appreciated) down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown
105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - October 30, '07

from 7:00pm to 12 midnight.

This week:

The Pittsburgh Penguins at The Minnesota Wild

This here is the part of the email where we would insert further snarky comments if we were not too tore up to do so.

Happy Birthday Richie Rock!

Richie, we love you.

Monday, October 22, 2007

New York Rangers at Pittsburgh Penguins - 7pm Tue - 23 October '07

Just like the hockey season itself, it's taken us here at Hockey Night in Chinatown a couple weeks to get our skates under us (Scott Gomez, we're looking at you,) and for that we'd like to apologize.
But we're not going to.
And if that gets your panties in a bunch, we must warn you that this last weekend Saké Mike hosted a seminar on climbing over the glass with one's skates on. So we're ready to go if you folks start hucking batteries or heat up pennies with a lighter and toss'em on the ice (the preferred method is to hold the penny with a pair of tweezers and giggle maniacally the whole time.)

So unbunch whatever's bunched up on ya, pick through your change jar and scoot on down to...

Hockey Night in Chinatown

105 Eldridge St.
(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)
Tuesday - October 23, '07
from 7:00pm to 12 midnight.

This week:
The New York Rangers at The Pittsburgh Penguins

On a related note, our good buddies Richard Bacchus and The Luckiest Girls have just released a new record Jet Black and Beautiful onto the interweb. We've been playing it continuously in the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker and I gotta say, everyone's got a a bounce in his step, nobody steals from the coffee fund anymore and, curiously, everyone's teeth are brighter, whiter and more vibrant. (Savage beatings have risen slightly, but that seems like more than a fair tradeoff.)

It's quite the collection of ditties detailing the face washes and slew foots that life perpetrates perpetually upon us all.

Oh, and it just happens to rock mightily.

So pony up and give some support to a cat who routinely goes to the corner for rock and roll and digs out the puck for our side.

Here's him and the "girls" hard at work at the Lincoln Theatre in Raleigh:

Despite the fact that he's based in Raleigh, we stand by our well established credo:

Die, Confederate Hockey Scum!
Keep Hockey Cold!

Ricky, Jimmy, Larry, Billy, Scotty, we love you.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Caronlina at Toronto - 7pm - Tuesday - 7 Oct 2007

Much has transpired since we last gathered 'round Fontanas' Great Glowing HD Hearth of Hockey:

- California got it's first Cup (shudder, wince) by the Anaheim Ducks.
- Mike taught a little Dominican boy the true meaning of Bastille Day by flattening a MTA Transit Policeman's nose with a head butt on the F train between West 4th and B'way-Lafayette.
-The Rangers raided upstate and across the Hudson to assemble a pretty daunting looking team, enraging Devils and Sabres fans simultaneously.
-Rev. Timmy was placed under house arrest complete with nifty cyber-ankle bracelet after pleading guilty to discharging a firearm in a public swimming pool.
-William Wirtz passed away, hopefully freeing the Blackhawks from their T.V. boycott and general overall suckiness (it's no fun hating them if they just suck.)
-Patrick Roy and Mario Lemieux both turned 42 last Friday.
-We got a new bumper pool table for the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker (Oh, we set up a HNIC't blog of all the past emails too.)
-The Rangers, Wings and Habs all won their season openers, the Pens beat the Ducks (but alas, lost to Carolina.)
-We put spiffy new pinstriping on the Atomic Voodoo Hockey Deathray.
-Dave had to serve 100 hours of community service (conspiracy to discharge a firearm in a public swimming pool) at the Lower East Side Home for Wayward Teenage Girls. After "counseling" some of the girls in their waywardness, his sentence was increased to 200 hours. You couldn't get that smile off his face with a belt sander.
-Gary Bettman's reign of wanton douchebaggery continues unabated (everyone who thought that one of the things wrong with the NHL was the uniforms go home and wait for us to come by and shoot out your porch light.)

Now that you're tan, rested and ready, fold up your beach umbrella and get down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown
105 Eldridge St.
(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)
Tuesday - 9 Oct, '07
from 7:00pm till 10 or so.

This week:
The Carolina Hurricanes at the Toronto Maple Leafs

In keeping with the general torment of being a hockey fan, we've only got one game for our first Hockey Night in Chinatown and it's not even in Hi-def. Or even a game we really care about (though we will be rooting for the Leafs, them having ice and snow up in Toronto.)

One good thing is the new NHL Network which is doing a free preview for all of October. It's got that "On the Fly" show, old games and basically all the hockey stuff not on regular (U.S.) television. We found it by accident by searching for NHL in the cable guide thingy. For Manhattan Time Warner Cable it's channel 458.
Their website was useless to find it elsewhere, but you should be used to jumping through hoops for hockey by now.

So Sharpen your skates.
Tape up your stick.
Wrap foil 'round your fists.
It's Hockey Season!!!


Hockey, we love you.