Monday, January 28, 2008

Pens at Devils - Rangers at 'Canes - 7pm - Tues Jan 29, '08

We here at Hockey Night in Chinatown have all dreamed of winning the Cup, but it never occurred to us how much fun it is to be it, until now. That there is the lovely and, apparently, indestructible Hayden Panettiere licking the lovely and indestructible Stanley Cup (Timmy's done the math and determined she's licking the spot just between the 1992 Pens and the 1993 Habs. Sigh....) We are trying to get her to come hang out with us in the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker. She'd be perfect! She seems EXTRA excited about Hockey (hubba, hubba.) She looks adorable in a cheerleader outfit. She's an able swimmer and you can shoot a crossbow bolt right through her head and she'll be fine. When we told Mike that the last part only works on her TV show, Heroes, he just laughed and said, "We'll see about that!" She does tend to cry a lot at the plight of helpless sea creatures, but after a few hours in the Hockey Night in Chinatown Poisonous Anemone Breeding Facility we're sure she'll forget all about them. And maybe even her own name.

So go ahead and lick whatever you find lying around, put on your cheerleader costume and come on down to...
Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - January 29, '07

from 7:00pm 'till Japanese Whalers show up, harpoon us and process our carcasses.

Pittsburgh Penguins at the New Jersey Devils

New York Rangers at Carolina Hurricanes (DCHS!*)

So the All-Star Game's all done and the "fun" part of the season is over (unless you're a Wings fan. They're 12 points ahead of everybody. Criminy!) If the Pens beat the Devils they'll be in in first in the Atlantic. The Rangers are in last. But there's only 5 points between 1st and last in the Atlantic so keep the faith, baby.


Go Wings!

Go Rangers!

Go Habs!

Go Hock

Scotty, we love you.
* Die Confederate Hockey Scum!

Monday, January 21, 2008

ATL at NYR - BOS at MTL - 7pm - Tues, 22 Jan '08

So Sid the Kid goes out for at least 4 weeks with a high ankle sprain seven minutes into the first period of Friday's loss against the Lightning. Then, on Saturday the Pens shutout the Habs 2-0. Then (!!!) on Monday the Pens lose a goal-fest verses the Caps in a shoot-out. So suffice it to say Rev. Timmy has been EXTRAORDINARILY uneven ( The Pens are his boys, and the Habs are his 2nd boys and every time they play he basically wants all the forwards to score hat-tricks and both goalies to get shut-outs. So you can imagine.) This sequence of events has proved extra taxing for someone as chemically unbalanced as our dear Reverend (self-induced or not, the cat is chemically unbalanced.) So we are very much looking forward to Tuesday's games. Even if it goes savagely against the Rangers or the Canadiens, at least there will be no ambivalence afoot. We'll just be glad to an end of Timmy skipping through the HNIC't Corporate Bunker to Abba songs one minute and then sobbing and spraying mace in the faces of the clerical staff the next (Charlene, the receptionist, threatened to quit.) It's just so hard to keep your guard up when Take a Chance On Me is blaring.
We're not terribly concerned as the Habs Rule! and everything about Boston Sucks! (O.K. sole exception: skinny, pale, punk rock girls who balance Dave's checkbook and get Timmy nifty Supersuckers swag. So far we've only found one.)

So take your lithium, leave your mace at home and skip on down to...
Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday -January 22, '08

from 7:00pm
'till Charlene's husband shows up looking for Rev. Timmy

Atlanta Thrashers at New York Rangers (HD)

Boston Bruins at Montréal Canadiens

Check this out: Rick Nash last Friday against the Coyotes. Try not to whistle Sweet Georgia Brown while you watch it a second time.
Betcha can't.

Our good buddies Richard Bacchus and the Luckiest Girls are making their way up here with some sort of Mid-Atlantic Hockey Town tour.
They're playing in Philly, Boston, Washington and Brooklyn (which is, apparently now part of New York City. Since when? 1898? No Shit!)
Anyway, they'll be at Trash Bar on Saturday night.
So watch the skills competition of the All-Star Game and head over.
10pm or so Sat 26 Jan '08

Trash Bar

256 Grand St. between Driggs & Roebling

Williamsburg, Brooklyn NY 11211

You did buy the record already, right?
Don't make us send Timmy over with Abba records and pepper spray.

Our Love
Is A


Scotty, we love you.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Montréal Canadiens at New York Islanders - Tues - 7pm - 15 Jan '08

What are these guys so happy about? (one might ask) Well, they're Canadiens for one. For another, they're going to Long Island to play the Islanders.
Why on earth would they be happy about going to L.I.? (excellent question!) Well, they're going to get a nice home cooked meal from their respective Mommies as those two gentlemen are Long Island natives, Chris Higgins and Mike Komisarek.
Why in the hell do we know dopey stuff like that? (O.K. now you're just being nosey.) Because down in the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker we have a magazine rack that has it's own measurable gravity. There's The Hockey News, Canadiens Magazine (the Official Magazine of the Montréal Canadiens, in both English AND French!), a bunch of old copies of Mad, Cracked, Crazy and Redbook (mostly Rev. Timmy's), some photoshop and design mags (Dave) and complete collections of both Modern Head-butting Quarterly and Punching Enthusiast (that would be Mike.) And of course tons and tons (and tons) of old pornography (Oui? They don't still print Oui, do they? Hey, ice dildos!)

So fill out your subscription card, grab your junk outta the freezer and get your mail carrier to shove you through the slot at...

Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - October 30, '07

from 7:00pm till we get fed up and wander off.

This week:

The Montréal Canadiens at The New York Islanders
(alas, not in HD)

Some other ridiculous crap we found in the Canadiens Magazine includes a young Avril Lavigne shoving a goalie and going to the box.

It's not all that interesting (truth be told we didn't even watch the whole thing) but all this typing sort of fills up the white area (that's negative space to you college grads) at the bottom of the email.

The quick brown fox
jumped over the lazy dog!

Scotty knows we tried. He also probably wouldn't put up with this sort of half-assedness. And another thing, there is finally proof that the Toronto Maple Leafs are perfectly happy not making the play-offs or ever intend to win a Cup again: They turned down Scotty as sort of Grand Poobah for their whole organization. Scotty, we love you. Even if those stupid Leafs don't. (Here's hoping they trade Sundin. Criminy.)

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Lightning at Rangers - Avalanche at Red Wings - 7pm - Tues, Jan 8, '08

Here's hoping whatever annual gift-man came your way during the end of the year did you right.
He blessed us here at Hockey Night in Chinatown with an excellent Winter Classic with Sid winning it for the Pens in a shoot out amid flurries and wind and giant sink holes in the ice (sorry Lil.) Also, some people actually watched it on their televisions! Go figure.

But hopefully you've stowed your holiday gear and are ready for the real reason for the season: The 73rd birthday of our Lord and Savior:
Elvis Aaron Presley.

Sure that Jesus guy made enough fish and bread to feed everyone, but did he make it with Ann Margret?

So come down offa that cross (we can use the wood) and point your pelvis to...
Hockey Night
in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - October 30, '07

from 7:00pm 'till Elvis shows up (No, I swear, I seen 'im!)

The Tamps Bay Lightning at the New York Rangers in HD!

The Colorado Avalanche at the Detroit Red Wings.

It's looking like '08 is gonna treat us much better than '07. There's a healthy dose of HD games on Tuesdays to come with the Habs and the Pens both playing locally. The Hockey News put the depth charts back in. The Red Wings are ruling the NHL and most everyone Rev. Timmy likes is on the rise (which makes life soooooooo much easier here in the HNIC't Corporate Bunker, believe me. Those blast doors are not just for show.)
It ain't November no more.
Skate, Shoot, Score you fuckers!

C'mon Rangers! Get on your pony!

We're just a hunka hunka burnin' Scotty!