Monday, March 31, 2008

New Jersey Devils at New York Islanders - 7pm - 1 April '08

We're all a little tuckered out around the ol' Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker today. We were all up late Sunday night to ring in Gordie "Mr. Hockey" Howe's 80th Birthday. We then went straight from those festivities to hustle Saké Mike and the lovely and talented Mrs. Saké Mike (name withheld at family's request. Give the girl a break, for Pete's sake, she married Mike) onto a Hockey Night in Chinatown Executive Attack Helicopter and off to, what he was led to believe, a visit to the Puerto Rico Hockey Hall of Fame for his Birthday (April 1st, no fooling!) In actuality she was taking him off to a yoga retreat to eat mangoes, detoxify, relax by the pool, do some snorkeling and generally recharge his batteries for the playoffs. No doubt he will come back with a clarity of mind and a nimbleness of foot that will make his return to us a truly harrowing experience. Saké Mike's revitalized cruelty of spirit will, no doubt, have us continually looking over our shoulders and picking sunburned skin flakes out of our coffee for well into the second round of the playoffs (he's got a big Tupperware Bowl he saves skin flakes in. And not just his own!)

So quit your (April) fooling around and flake out down at...
Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - April 1 '08

from 7:00pm till King Charles IX decrees we quit grab-assing around and go the hell home.

This week:

The New Jersey Devils at the New York Islanders

This coming weekend a merry band of gentlemen (men of cruelty, brigands, pirates, four-flushers and hooligans to the man) are off to deepest, darkest Montréal to celebrate our good buddy Tom Vaught's 40th Birthday (jeez there's birthdays all over the place. We should put a towel under the door or something.) And no doubt get some much needed first hand experience in the Quebec Provincial Correctional System. We're going to see the Leafs at the Canadiens for their last game of the regular season and Dave's bringing one of those remote control dog training collars in case Rev. Timmy goes berserk (bezerkier? more beserk?) starts screaming, "English Pigs!" and tries to bite some poor Leafs Fan (It makes no sense, his grandparents were from Peterbourough. Sigh.)

This'll be our last HNIC't of the regular season. Tuesday nights always get treated like a ten dollar hooker during the play-offs so stay tuned for updates and keep watching the skies!
Wait, what???...

Birthday Gordie!
Happy Birthday Saké Mike!
Birthday Tom Vaught!

(Why do we even bother doing this? He's never gonna see it.)
Happy Birthday Gary Bettman!

That last one's an April Fool's Joke and not because his birthday is June 2nd.
It's a joke because we hate him with a hatred so pure and hot you can't see the flame (careful there.)

Scotty, we love you.

(His birthday is September 18th.)

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