Monday, April 28, 2008

No Hockey Night in Chinatown due to technical difficulties.

After Monday's loss by the Canadiens to the Flyers (Flyers up in series 2-1), Rev. Timmy filled a garbage can with human waste (where does he get all that stuff? does he save his own?) and Semtex (where in the HELL does he get THAT stuff!!??) and set the whole thing off in the middle of the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker Master Control Room. He then piloted one of our hot-rodded Zamboni Ice Resurfacing Machines down the hallway from the Hockey Night in Chinatown Ice Rink Complex and Bulk Beer Storage Facility (a rather remarkable feat of fine hand-eye coordination for a gentleman in such an agitated state, believe you me) and crashed it into the Hockey Night in Chinatown Reception Desk (luckily Charlene was getting a Snapple Iced Tea at the time), the then exploded the propane tanks, filling most of the rest of the office area in dirty snow and hot, jagged Zamboni pieces (oh, and more curiously, little green plastic army men.)

With Saké Mike out of town and Dave too busy with real work to help, we all headed for the exits and sealed the 11 foot blast doors behind us.

As we all ran to our cars we heard, at excruciating volume, the following booming out from the air vents.

Tomorrow it's Pens at Rangers at 7pm and Wings at the Avs at 10:30.

We're all gonna go over to Charlene's and watch it there.
She's gonna make Chex Mix and celery with peanut butter inside.

See ya next week.
We hope.

Scotty, we love you.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Philadelphia Flyers at Washington Capitals - Game 7 - Tues -22 April '08

A couple of our teams did just peachy in the first round of the Playoffs ( Pens swept Sens, Rangers spanked The Devils.) But, we kinda ran into a bit of a snag there when Rev. Timmy tried to use the Atomic Voodoo Hockey Deathray to make S'mores and got it all gooey.
That made it much harder for the Wings to top the Predators ( 4 - 2 ) and the Habs had a dickens of a time with their frequent playoff nemesis, the Boston Bruins. But our interns down at the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker all pulled together, fired up the pressure-washer and got the good old Deathray spic and span in time to aid the Canadiens in Keeeeeerushing the Bruins, 5 goals to 0 (that's zero, none, nil, zilch, nada, nufin', rien!) The other prong of our, uh, two pronged, talismanic, imaginary, superstitious support for Montréal was contributed by Dave, who whipped up the luckiest .jpg (also, least offensive) we've ever had the good fortune to have taped up all over the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker Master Control Room (Note to self: remind Charlene to order more copier paper.)

After the Habs won Rev. Timmy (rather predictably, if you ask me) danced around the Bunker wearing all 14 of his Montréal Shirts at once screaming in French (pointless language class stuff like "Where is the library?" and "My father is an accountant from Algeirs.")
While he was busy doing that, we recalled we hadn't seen our good buddy and bar mistress Miss Keeeely in a couple weeks, so we aimed the Atomic Voodoo Hockey Deathray at the Flyers vs. Capitals game to make the Caps come back and force a Game 7 on Tuesday night.

So grab your graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate bars and hike on down to...
Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - 22 April '08

from 7:00pm till everyone is brown on the outside and a little gooey (ok, gooier.)

The Philadelphia Flyers at the Washington Capitals, Game 7

As a special consumer protection service we here at Hockey Night in Chinatown must warn you against knocking yourself out to see The Forbidden Kingdom.
Though it was not without it's charms (Monkey King, White Haired Witch, crazy archery stuff, reasonable fighting) it was a little heavy on the "dorky loser kid triumphs over evil by watching lots of kung fu movies and believing in himself" stuff.
Rev. Timmy loved it and spent all of Sunday night looking for a secret passage to another realm in the back of one of the equipment lockers.

The First Round's almost over.

Get ready for round Two!

Where the girlish shrieking is doubled!

Scotty, we love you.

Monday, April 14, 2008

WEDNESDAY! - Devils at Rangers - Red Wings at Predators - Wed. 16 April '08

We here at Hockey Night in Chinatown all thought that Jet Li said he was not going to do any more medieval era kung fu flicks. And to his credit he managed to stop for a couple movies there. But really that's like saying that Rev. Timmy had quit drinking just because he had passed out (in his own filth) on the Master Control Panel in the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker Control Room.
Still we are totally going to see his new flick. Jet Li! Jackie Chan! A Bounty Hunter Witch with White Hair!??? Goddamn Muther-bug-fuckin'-A right!

This week we're back, but due to various reasons too complicated and embarrassing to go into here (imagine that!) we're going to have Hockey Night in Chinatown on Wednesday. We can't watch the Canadiens play at Fontanas tomorrow, and Rev. Timmy really wants to wear his Sean Avery shirt for a Rangers Game. Especially when Sean's just had a special rule made just for him.

Since none of you cats ever come out anyway (all you stupid jerks, living in your stupid jerk out of the city houses, getting up and going to your stupid jerk jobs to make stupid jerk futures for your stupid jerk families, Oh, speaking of which, special HNIC't congratulations to Grant and Andrea and little Johnny for the newest, littlest Ward: June Grace!!!!) we don't anticipate this being much of a hassle (well, we're not going to get to see the delightful Miss Keeeeely this week, sigh.)

Also it seems like the Rangers and the Red Wings might just need us to cheer, and drink, extra hard.

So Jet (Li) on down and come see all the stupid hockey jerks at...
Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

WEDNESDAY - 16 April '08

from 7:00pm till everyone is passed out (in their own or each others filth) on the Master Control Panel

The New Jersey Devils at the New York Rangers

then (!!!)

The Detroit Red Wings at the Nashville Predators

Also kicking it around town this week will be instigator extrodinaire Richard Bacchus (and his lovely wife Shelby) who're in town for a bit of a mini D Generation Re-Generation at the new John Varvatos Store where CBGB's used to be.

Apparently they are going to Save the Music. Well, uh, great! Good luck.

Here's a flick from Halo 3 that Dave thought was funny. And seeing as he did such a nifty job on this week's flyer, he's right!

it, Ottawa!

Your ass is gettin' swept.

Call now to get a Thursday morning tee-off time.

Scotty, we love you.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

No Hockey 'till Wed means no Hockey Night in Chinatown

Here's the only footage Dave took on our trip to Montréal to celebrate Tom Vaught's Birthday (and Timmy is convinced, to personally help the Canadiens finish in 1st place in the Eastern Conference) that it is safe to show on the internet.

That's Tom in the sunglasses.

See ya next week.

Go Rangers!

Go Pens!

Go Habs!

Go Wings!

Go (Your team here, so long as they made the playoffs)!

Go Hockeyyyyyyyyyy!