Monday, May 19, 2008

No Hockey Night in Chinatown, but peace on Earth, Good will toward men. Joy and light throughout the Universe.

Well after all the horrible earthquakes, (no doubt some knucklehead southern preacher thinks God did that to them just 'cause they're Chinese, or gay.) past travesties of Cup Champions ( Carolina? Anahiem? Tampa Bay? Criminy!) and crappy movies starring Jet Li and Jackie Chan, it turns out there is a God and he loves HOCKEY!

But, alas, not Hockey Night in Chinatown (really, can you blame the dude? I mean, we ride that cat's ass hard. Not without good reason I might add. Platypuses, anyone?)

'Cause there ain't no hockey on Tuesday night.

And it follows directly that there's no Hockey Night in Chinatown (see how that goes? No? Next time we'll show our work.)

So lay in a whole mess of beer, lock your wife and children out of the house, recline your Lay-z-boy a click or two and get ready for...

Saturday 7:30pm The Pittsburgh Penguins at the Detroit Red Wings
Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Final.

It really doesn't look good for another Hockey Night in Chinatown, but maybe we can shuffle things around a bit (stranger things have happened. Much stranger, more horrifying and considerably stickier things happen here in the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker all the time.)
Keep watching the skies!!! (again, what is it with that?)

At least we've got us a proper Cup Final Series, with proper teams from places that have snow and ice.
Oh, and hockey!

Let's Go Wings!!!

Let's Go Pens!!!

This year, Evil*, will not prevail.

Scotty, we love you.

*Make no mistake, we do love Evil, just not that weak-ass, confederate, expansion team, Stanley Cup going anywhere we don't have T-shirts from kind of Evil.
Or really anywhere Scotty Bowman didn't coach.

Evil, we love you.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Pittsburgh Penguins at Philadelphia Flyers - 7:30pm Tues May 13, '08

[ Due to certain unforeseen circumstances (Rev. Timmy got all riled up on Labatt Blue, mostly because Miss Keeeeely's not gonna be bar tending at Hockey Night in Chinatown 'cause she got some sort of grown-up job, and locked himself in the boiler room with a boom box blaring My Bloody Valentine's "Loveless" over and over and eventually emerged and held one of our interns hostage with a 16-penny Senco Pneumatic Nailgun ) we have been forced to send out the template for our Hockey Night in Chinatown dispatches. So here it is. Now you can make your own. (Geez, we never thought we'd miss Saké Mike, but apparently he's the only one Timmy's afraid of. Dave just kinda eggs him on and takes pictures for his blog.)]

1) This is where you write stuff about what's going on in the NHL, sorta.

2) Then you write some funny stuff about:

a) Dave fooling with his iPhone.

b) Saké Mike hurting somebody. Or baking.

c) Rev. Timmy engaging in some uncouth activity under diminished capacity of some sort.

So get your [Something from paragraph 1] and [Something from paragraph 2] on down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - May 13, 2008

from 7:30pm till [Some dopey thing related to paragraph 1 or 2 ]

This week:

The Pittsburgh Penguins at the Philadelphia Flyers

Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals, Pens lead 2-0

More dopey drivel about hockey, or occasionally a show announcement.

Our good buddy Patrick Ryan is playing Bar On A Wednesday night. 9pm.

And often a Youtube clip of something hockey related, but just as often not.

[ Also throughout the email you should make words appear in bold.]

Then you finish it all of with:

Big Words


Smaller, snarkier words go here.

Scotty, we love you always goes here.

pUNK, we love you goes here just this once. But we always love pUNK. Get well soon!

[ See? It's easy! ]

Monday, May 5, 2008

No Hockey 'till Thursday, Phew.

Alas, the Rangers are out in 5, after playing a giant hearted 3rd period and OT on Sunday afternoon against the Penguins. We had to wrap a cold, wet towel around Rev. Timmy's head during that one and even so, he ended up swallowing an ashtray and rolling around on the floor like he was maced (wait, did we mace him or not? It's so hard to keep track of who's getting maced around here.) Heck, Dave even complained of palpitations and couldn't finish his chicken parm sandwich (when he couldn't finish his sandwich, we called the doctor immediately.)

We thought we would never get the boys to bed when the Stars and the Sharks decided to go for 4 Overtime periods. That's a whole 'nother hockey game and a bit.
Just as the boys were getting cranky ("I'm not tired!) Brett Morrow's PP goal finished off the Sharks and Dallas was on to the next round.

Which doesn't start until Thursday.

So get some rest, visit with your family and maybe take a shower (Dude, take a shower.)

We'll be back next Tuesday with the Pens vs. the Flyers (Boooooooooooo!Hissssssss!)

Scotty, we love you.