Monday, January 19, 2009

Ducks at Rangers - Caps at Sens - 7pm - Tues - 20 Jan 2009

Here at the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker we take Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day very seriously. And not just because we regularly utilize the same crowd control techniques so often used by southern law enforcement during Civil Rights Marches on Rev. Timmy on an almost nightly basis. He's getting used to the tear-gas and the dogs are more and more reluctant to bite him (we're pretty sure he tastes funny) but a high pressure fire hose still puts him down and keeps him down till we can truncheon him to sleep every night.

No, it's because hockey has, over the last ten years or so, been forced to sit in the back of the sports bus, way back behind Texas Hold 'em and NASCAR and Mixed Martial Arts Unlimited Cage Fighting. (yep, we're comparing ourselves to Rosa Parks, sports-wise anyway. And if you get all "Women's National Basketball Association" up in our grill, we're gonna send Tie Domi to meet you in the parking lot after work.)

Saké Mike saw this week's flyer (which, though based on a Rev. Timmy idea, Dave Guadalahorowitz has masterly crafted into something that, we are hoping, will not invoke the ire of the NAACP or the Black Panthers) and launched right into an eloquent and really quite moving speech on how under-represented the Norwegians are in the NHL.

To quote:
"When, oh, when will hockey players be judged, not by the almost translucent paleness of their skin, but by the speed of their slap shot?"

Why they're gonna do that this coming Saturday in the Skills Competion and Sunday at the NHL All Star Game!

Whew, glad that's all sorted out, just like the whole race thing.

So flip a big old bird to Sheriff Clark* and Governor Faubus*, try not to be too afraid of all the angry white policemen in riot gear and peacefully march all the way from Birmingham to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - 20 January 2009

from 7:00pm till Al Sharpton shows up with a bunch of TV Cameras to protest our gross misappropriation of the legacy of MLK and the Civil Rights Movement.

(We're kinda hoping this really happens. Then at least somebody will come down, even if they don't come in the bar and watch hockey. Oh, an we'll all be on the TV!)

This week:

The Anaheim Ducks at the New York Rangers

The Washington Capitals at the Ottawa Senators

No, we will not turn the channel to the Obama Inauguration "just for a sec."

Cripes, next you'll wanna start checking in on "American Idol."

We're all hoping that on Sunday the Pens have broken whatever gypsy curse they had on them, but it's a little hard to be too excited as the Rangers were all skating like the team was having a pancake eating contest during the first intermission and a Nyquil drinking contest during the second. We've been working on it all weekend with all the technical resources in the HNIC't Corporate Bunker and all the best minds we could get around a bottle of rye whiskey and have come to the conclusion that the only thing to do with Wade Redden is trade him to the WNBA (all right, fun's fun, but let's leave the ladies alone.)
he's making us sorta like Paul Mara (ugh!)

Also, Punk Rock Heavy Metal Karaoke is downstairs starting at 9pm, if you need just one more reason to come out. Or, I guess, one more reason to stay home.

Hockey, by any means necessary.
We shall overcome!!!!!!!!!

Not Cool? Up yours baby! We've got more Staples Singers, Public Enemy and Gil Scott-Heron records than you do!

Scotty, we love you.

* - Sheesh, where'd you go to school at? America?

No comments: