Monday, February 23, 2009

Anaheim Ducks at Buffalo Sabres - 7pm - Tues - 24 Feb '09

It's just about that time of year for everybody to start getting confused about who's with whom, who's going to be a free agent this summer (restricted? unrestricted?), who got traded where and what they're supposed to be doing there after all (didn't those two get hitched a while back, or eaten by alligators? They were such a cute couple.)

The Rangers just sacked Coach Tom Renney and hired John Tortorella who won a Stanley Cup. Tortorella used to Coach the Tampa Bay Lightning (sorry for the awkward sentence construction, our HNIC't Computers won't let us put a Florida Hockey Team and the Stanley Cup in the same sentence.) Also we're only about a week from the trade deadline so we're gonna hafta play cut n' paste with our rosters. Rev. Timmy's the worst of all. If you ask him, the Pens are still skating Phil Bourque, Paul Coffey and Ron Francis and have Tom Barrasso in goal (though that's probably more of a defense mechanism than anything, considering how the Pens have been doing. More likely still: amphetamine psychosis.)|HomeTradeCountdown

Sunday, after the Capitals 5-2 drubbing of the Penguins, Rev. Timmy went on one of his "hilarious to watch on a camera from the security office with Carlo who's always falling asleep but is really good at card tricks and let you hold his tazer that one time but took the battery pack out 'cause he was afraid you'd electrocute yourself and was probably right" but "terrifying to be anywhere near" office furniture extermination binges. While Aeron chair parts, computer keyboards, desk drawers and various pieces of laminated particle board were flying through the air all around him, Dave Guadalahorowitz deftly snatched his Chicken Parm sandwich out of the microwave, did a quick tuck and roll behind Charlene's reception desk and then ran serpentine into the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Archives and Pornography Warehousing Annex B.
With the Rev. all hopped up on nutmeg, wasabi and Powers Irish Whiskey spiked chocolate malted milkshakes, Dave had lots of time left over after he finished his sandwich to look through a stack of unsorted Dutch midget porn and find the rare pic above of the great Rocket Richard warming up before a game (admittedly our filing system is, shall we say, a little right-brain oriented.)

Supposedly Buckethead learned all his stuff from The Rocket (it really gets rolling at about :50.)

So collect all the big chunks of that formerly beautiful mahogany conference room table, get all 7 wrenches you need to change strings on your Kahler Tremolo System and run serpentine on down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown
105 Eldridge St.
(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)
Tuesday - 24 February 2009

from 7:00pm till everybody can run phrygian scales up and down the neck with verve and aplomb.

This week:

The Anaheim Ducks at the Buffalo Sabres (Yayyyy, Lilly!!!)

Saké Mike
is getting together a field trip to go find Wade Redden, duct tape him into a sleeping bag, tie the whole thing to a 1970 Dana 44 rear axle assembly and toss it in the Hudson River.
If you're going, wear some good sturdy shoes suitable for both kicking and running (hey, maybe Tom Renney wants to come. He must hate Redden most of all. Hmmm, maybe, Naslund.)
Do not wear one of the T-shirts from the link below. These are fancy "Saturday night stepping out" T-shirts, not play clothes.
(Hey, who's the sexy model? And why does he smell like a burning pile of office telephones and bitter, bitter tears?)

Trade me right fucking now!
And hang up.

Nipples like little rocks...

Scotty, we love you.

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