Monday, March 30, 2009

Hawks at Habs - 7:30pm - Tuesday - 31 March 2009

Things got a little quiet since Rev. Timmy was off making the world safe for dangerous maniacs and human jack-asses. So, Dave Guadalahorowitz decided to cook up some Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker Stylee Fun™ by hijacking every screen in the joint and making them display various NASA star maps (past, present and projected.) Then, just as everyone was getting comfy for their post pirogie eating contest nap, Dave got clearance from the good folks at JPL to reveal our super-secret program to save the Earth from an asteroid strike.

Admittedly, it may not seem very impressive to just have a Mite (well, he's in Pee Wee, actually) slapping on some tiny meteorite (meterorite/mite, get it? Oh, this stuff is wasted on you.) in the Nubian desert, but here at HNIC't we're all about getting them started on the fundamentals young and then growing the program.

By the time the asteroid Apophis (take that, SG-1 fans ) gets close in 2029 or 2036 we're we're planning to get somebody out there into space to one-time the thing right into the sun (suck it, you dopey dinosaurs.)

Oh, and whoever does it will have to be, like, 600 metres tall.

HNIC't Poisonous Anemone Breeding Facility is just the start.

Hockey Night in Chinatown: Bringing You a Gigantic Horrifying Tomorrow, Eventually!

So stow your Celestron CPC Series CPC 1100 GPS XLT Telescope (with Motorized Altazimuth Mount) wipe the sautéed onions and sour cream off your face and plummet through the atmosphere down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - March 31, '09

from 7:30pm till someone accurately predicts the arc of flight of a half full Labatt Blue bottle so that it conks Rev. Timmy right on the bean AND renders him unconscious (30 sec. minimum.)

This week:

The Chicago Blackhawks at the Montréal Canadiens

It's coming down to the wire and we're all clenched up hoping for what we want (Red Wings to get the President's Trophy yet again, various Class A Controlled Substances) and what we NEEEEEED (Pens, Habs and Rangers all in the playoffs, beer.)

It's looking more and more like Rev. Timmy's absence was just the calm before the storm.

Speaking of unpredictable forces of nature, if all those folks in NoDak are thanking God for not killing them with all the floods, who do they think caused the floods anyway?

Just kidding, North Dakotans. Take it easy and be well.

Speaking of giving blood and making God angry, Wednesday is Saké Mike's Birthday.
Hockey Birthday Saké Mike!!!!!
Yes, it is really on April Fools Day.

Well, that's just too freakin' goddamn bat-shit easy.

Hey it's that Miss Keeeeely's Birthday, too.

Whatever became of her? Got wise, I s'pose.

Scotty, we don't love you none.

April Fools!!!

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