Monday, March 2, 2009

Pens at Lightning - Devils at Leafs - HBDDG'hwitz - 7pm - Tues - 3 March '09

Well we've been running around more than usual here at the Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker as it's our very own Dave Guadalahorowitz's Birthday! Yessiree, folks, our very own Grand Wizard of the Beautification of Flat Surfaces and Sensei of the HNIC't Graphics Department and Internet Pornography Bookmarking Unit (Iron Cursor Dojo, Clan of the Leaping Paint Bucket) has clicked over another year on his odometer and put another notch in his lipstick case (hmmm, is that right?) and we've been getting things ready for one of our fabled HNIC't Birthday Hootenannys (the last one registered 3.4 on the Richter Scale, and caused the Chicken Parm Futures Markets to waver alarmingly, wiping out several Icelandic Banks and an Italian Deli in Winnipeg.)

We even reconfigured the Atomic Voodoo Hockey Deathray and socked in the the whole Northeast with snow so everyone could emulate Dave and stay home in their PJ's, order some food in, and slave over a hot television set.

All of our fancy Cray XT5's are busy torrenting foreign language versions of Mad Max and The Road Warrior (don't tell Dave, it's a surprise. The guy they got to do the Gyro Captain for the Farsi version is especially entertaining) and Dave is holed up in his Dojo reading World War Z on his new Kindle 2 (highly recommended by Saké Mike as a very accurate tale of things to come, he hopes.) So, as you can see, we set Rev. Timmy to the task of putting together our flyer on an old Franklin Apple II Clone we were using to keep a lid on a tank in the HNIC't Poisonous Anemone Breeding Facility (wait, that tank's empty now. That just can't be good.)

I gotta say, since we set the Rev. up with that little task, there has been a noticeable decline in mysterious fires around here and a lot less shrieking and running (though it may just be because the Pens and Rangers seem like they might actually get it together and not miss the playoffs.)

How he got on the internet with that thing to surf for ASCII Art is no less amazing (alarming!!!) than our control of the weather or the hot sandwich futures markets.

So slip into that Snow Bunny suit you've been dying to wear just one more time before spring and zombie walk your way on down to...
Hockey Night in Chinatown


105 Eldridge St.

(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)

Tuesday - March 3, '09

from 7:00pm till we figure out how to get the Atomic Voodoo Hockey Deathray to make Chicken Parm Sandwiches.

This week:

The Pittsburgh Penguins at The Tampa Bay Lightning

The New Jersey Devils at The Toronto Maple Leafs

Hey, if your team ain't gonna go out and win a Stanley Cup for you, maybe you should get off your lazy ass and build one.
Then maybe you can sit inside it and maybe drink some beer.
Oh, and maybe catch a fish.

Remember, we said, maybe.

Now a special message from the robots we are building with the help of a pack of super intelligent talking dogs to battle the zombies.
(If that sentence doesn't terrify you good, you are just not paying any attention.*)



* You will be paying attention very soon.†


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