Monday, April 27, 2009

Rangers at Caps DCHS* (UGH!) - Canes DCHS* at Devils - both Game 7 Eastern Conference Quarterfinals - 7pm Tues. - April 28, 2009

Last week we were telling you cats how rough Rev. Timmy could be on flat screen TV's. Well it seems he's moved on to the even smaller, more innocent and more defenseless variety: the iPhone touch screen.

If you are an intern here at The Hockey Night in Chinatown Corporate Bunker,

and if (!) the Habs got swept by the Bruins on Wednesday,

and even though the Pens finally dispatched the Flyers off to the land of wind and ghosts and tee-times (check your I Ching on that one. We prefer the Wilhelm/Baynes translation.)
http://www.cfcl.com/ching/

and IF (!!) you wander through the HNIC't Corporate Bunker on Sunday afternoon just about the time the Rangers totally put their ass in the air for the Washington Capitals (God, did you see that? That was just not cool, dude)

and you're carrying a copy of The Hockey News with Zdeno Chara on the Cover,
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/players/1700

and (!!!!!!!) you get hit in the head so hard with an iPhone (that has the picture Rev. Timmy took at the Garden when he recently took a field trip there with Mike J, Gentleman Tom and Dave Guadalahorowitz to make sure the Penguins got home ice for the playoffs (Suck it, Marty!†)) that you have to have an old (and rather poorly treated, shall we say) Cheri Magazine crammed in your mouth to keep you from swallowing your tongue,

and Saké Mike has to dip into his extensive horse tranquilizer collection (hmmmm, that fella has a lot of horse medicine for someone who doesn't actually have a horse. What up wit dat, yo?)
just to keep Rev. Timmy from finishing you off...

Well, all we can say is you should have more carefully read the tiny, tiny fine print in the HNIC't Intern Death and Dismemberment Release and chance to win a free iPod Sign-up Sheet as this series of events is specifically mentioned and your parents can sue us all they want but they'll never find us to collect (never!! NEVER!!!! AAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHHHH!!!!!!!)

So direct the party of the first part to approach the bench, ummm, bar down at...
Hockey Night in Chinatown
Fontanas
105 Eldridge St.
(btw: Broome Street and Grand Street)
Tuesday - 28 April 2009
from 7:00pm till everybody breaks something they love in a fit of rage and regrets it immediately.
This week:
The New York Rangers at the Washington Capitals
The New Jersey Devils at the Carolina Hurricanes*

both Game 7, Eastern Quarterfinal
[yeah we know some of those teams colors are white and red, but you ain't gonna see that so "Suck it, (your name here)!"]

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Oh, by the way, the Detroit Red Wings are doing just fine.

C'mon Rangers...
What more can we say, really?

Ovie is fun and all, but dudes: Fucking Finish Them!!!*

WWWSBD‡

*Die Confederate Hockey Scum
† Of course we mean Philly Goalie Marty Biron, but Dave Guadalahorowitz would like you to think of a guy in a Herb Tarlek jacket quitting his job at a used car lot every time we yell this. We just want you to check how huge the Herb Tarlek entry is on Wikipediea. Sheesh.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herb_Tarlek
I mean, it's almost as big as Lao-Tzu's (wait, that can't be right. hmmm, whaddaya know?)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lao_Tze
‡ What would William Scott Bowman do?



Tax and Title not included. We're tired of you and your whole buttoned down, plastic fantastic freaky Madison Avenue scene. May cause anal leakage. "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence. or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me" - HST. If erection persists after four hours then consult your...really? You kept reading after "anal leakage", sheeeeshhh, what is up with you? I mean really. We are by no means the judging sort but dude now you're just reading the tiny text to make sure you're reading all the tiny text. And yet you can't make it out to watch Hockey and listen to records with us in person? C'mon you Otaku muther luvver. At least leave a comment on the blog! Hello? Hello!!! Awwww, who cares....dammi! Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Oh, and up yours Daddy-O. Up yours all the way!!!!

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